Ivan Presents...
Friday, June 30, 2006
Thinkin Out Loud...
Down With DDT. Seriously, that stuff is nasty. I have seen loads of documentaries that say so. Come to think of it, I also have a theory that involves Ken Lukyamuzi and an alliance of people that do not want us to hear what he has to say about DDT…or the song Hotel California.
So here’s what I suggest, lets grow Venus fly traps that have been genetically modified to (wait for it) EAT Mosquitoes! I know what you are thinking…I’m clearly taking the piss. I am NOT..I was when the idea came to me…at STEAK OUT…doing ROCK NITE some justice.
I honestly see some potential in these things. I watched this movie once called Little Shop of Horrors (and if you have a clear copy I’d like it) and this plant was bloody articulate…then again the silly thing ate people…It was not its fault you realize. It just happened to have a taste for blood…it was a kinky plant like that…also it had Angelina Jolie’s lips…(oh Angelina, when will you adopt me and smother me…)(…snap, that was incomplete, smother me with kindness and affection)
Anyway. Back to this plant issue…I think it would be cool to have a plant lying around conversating with you and chasing away the mosquitoes. I think someone should take this idea to the President. He has time on his hands; we know that unlike we mere mortals the President is not moved by football/soccer/democracy...
Wednesday, June 28, 2006
Dear Diary
I went for a wedding over the weekend. It was given loads of attention by the press. And when we did actually arrive for the reception part we were asked to switch off the phones. I guess that's because guys go around making calls and receiving them in the middle of some speech.
The function could be summed up in two words...Product Placement!
There was an advert after just about every itsy bitsy thing...I will attempt to recapture the moments;
MC: Did you like the music?Yeah? You can buy music from _____________
Friend of the Bride: For those of you who don't know,I work at a radio station, I'm on air between the hours of______. I am also a musician, My new album titled ____________ comes out soon
MC: we are so happy to be here at _____________ where "Quality and Luxury are prime"
I'm kinda sleepy...
The function could be summed up in two words...Product Placement!
There was an advert after just about every itsy bitsy thing...I will attempt to recapture the moments;
MC: Did you like the music?Yeah? You can buy music from _____________
Friend of the Bride: For those of you who don't know,I work at a radio station, I'm on air between the hours of______. I am also a musician, My new album titled ____________ comes out soon
MC: we are so happy to be here at _____________ where "Quality and Luxury are prime"
I'm kinda sleepy...
Monday, June 26, 2006
Coming Soon
Tuesday, June 06, 2006
Watched Anything Good lately?
I haven’t been yet, but I gather the new X-Men flick is best described as being “there-there”…So I figure, I’ll just do my own thing, It goes like this…
The movie opens with a young Magneto running away from some suits. “Why are you running after me? What do you want?” He asks. panting…the agents stop running and we notice they have some really ancient looking headsets and then they speak…in turns, with each completing the others sentence…
-He is just…
-A mutant...
-That’s…All.
The agents realize what they have done and then look at each other, long and hard as only agents can and then they morph into Heath Ledger and Jake Gyllenhal and go to the mountains…but Jake falls down and breaks his back and Heath comes tumbling after.
Meanwhile Magneto has stopped running and is trying to come to grips with the fact that he is a mutant. Lost in his thoughts he does not hear an all-too audible announcement that a curfew is in effect. And then his “abilities” are made manifest. He unleashes a powerful blast of magnetismness that is like so bloody powerful it messes up the controls of a plane flying overhead ( to make this really authentic we will give it the name Oceania) and it is like, you know, knocked out of the sky. No one knows where it lands, but we can safely surmise its Lost.
Different guys are called in to investigate and the government settles for some guy who says he knows someone that will do it in 24 hours. After putting him to test and questioning his ability to deliver results, he mutters simply, “You don’t know Jack!”
On the street that Magneto is doing his thing some guys corner another Mutant with like…wings and stuff. He says he does not want the cure, “I’m Sorry!” The guys whip out their erm…syringes (Its kinda hard to avoid innuendo after using the words “Whip out”) and then they say, “Not yet you’re not, but you soon will be…” then WHAM! There’s a flash of light and then we see Light bulb boy. He knocks them around a bit until one of the guys whips out his really cool Sony Ericsson W810i (with free minutes) and calls the power company,but not before saying,”I’ve had enough of this”
The guy over at the power company hits the switch and then LightBulb Boy dies a cruel death.
But it is not in vain. The winged mutant got away…
To Be Continued…
The movie opens with a young Magneto running away from some suits. “Why are you running after me? What do you want?” He asks. panting…the agents stop running and we notice they have some really ancient looking headsets and then they speak…in turns, with each completing the others sentence…
-He is just…
-A mutant...
-That’s…All.
The agents realize what they have done and then look at each other, long and hard as only agents can and then they morph into Heath Ledger and Jake Gyllenhal and go to the mountains…but Jake falls down and breaks his back and Heath comes tumbling after.
Meanwhile Magneto has stopped running and is trying to come to grips with the fact that he is a mutant. Lost in his thoughts he does not hear an all-too audible announcement that a curfew is in effect. And then his “abilities” are made manifest. He unleashes a powerful blast of magnetismness that is like so bloody powerful it messes up the controls of a plane flying overhead ( to make this really authentic we will give it the name Oceania) and it is like, you know, knocked out of the sky. No one knows where it lands, but we can safely surmise its Lost.
Different guys are called in to investigate and the government settles for some guy who says he knows someone that will do it in 24 hours. After putting him to test and questioning his ability to deliver results, he mutters simply, “You don’t know Jack!”
On the street that Magneto is doing his thing some guys corner another Mutant with like…wings and stuff. He says he does not want the cure, “I’m Sorry!” The guys whip out their erm…syringes (Its kinda hard to avoid innuendo after using the words “Whip out”) and then they say, “Not yet you’re not, but you soon will be…” then WHAM! There’s a flash of light and then we see Light bulb boy. He knocks them around a bit until one of the guys whips out his really cool Sony Ericsson W810i (with free minutes) and calls the power company,but not before saying,”I’ve had enough of this”
The guy over at the power company hits the switch and then LightBulb Boy dies a cruel death.
But it is not in vain. The winged mutant got away…
To Be Continued…
