Ivan Presents...

In conjunction with other parties that decline to be mentioned I am giving you the opportunity to have this.A limited edition Black Mamba Tee.
Why is it Limited in its edition?
Because no one else in their right mind would be caught selling this.

So why am I doing this? The need for money has smoothly guided me out of my right mind.
Hey I'm not complaining.This is a snazzy tee-shirt.

You want to make a statement right?Wear this Black Mamba Tee and strut over to you favourite watering hole.

We also have a Black Mamba tanktop for the fashonistas among you.Heck we will give you this thing in PINK!

Look at that blood-like design splattered across.If that doesn't bring out the die-hard in you,go rent the movie!

What are you waiting for?Get yourself a Black Mamba tee today!

Nothing says "To hell with the law" like Black Mamba. This is the real thing, a genuine article.

***No real blood was used in the design of this Tee-Shirt***

As I write this,Christmas songs are blaring around town,a presenter has made the observation that (s)he has played the first Christmas Track this year (Big deal in some parts,I suppose) and some optimistic people are waiting for presents.
Its a nice thing,optimism.It makes you blind to lots of stuff.
I'm obviously not going to get what I really want for christmas. Well I can't be too sure can I? It is Christmas afterall and miracles do happen,so I won't sulk just yet.
Ofcourse it doesn't hurt for a plan B,while I wait for her.(It takes an incredibly slow person to actually try and figure out what I want for christmas,I've laid out the clues)

• A Sony Ericsson W900 or W900i. I am not picky,I'll settle for either.
• An XBOX 360 game console. I want the full set,complete with wireless controllers and the hard disk.
• A car. What?I am being sincere here.A car would be a nice thing...so would a flat/apartment now that I think of it.
• Money.lots and lots of money...
• Angelina Jolie.I reckon its a phase,a couple of christmases (that can't be right) down the road I'll wake up and ask myself what I was thinking,look at her lying beside me and weep...or scream, "damn you Pitt!!"
• A heart for the guy that denied me the visa. Or two hearts...One might not really do the trick.
• World Peace.It was a great line in Miss Congeniality,I figure placing it here might revive my career in some way....

Anyway,on a somewhat serious note (I say somehow incase someone thinks I was kidding about the initial gift list.I really do want that stuff).What I really want for Christmas is Happiness.That's it. She may not be here,but she's still in my life,so that keeps me going.

Then I've got y'all who may have impacted my life in one way or another. Judging by the size of my phone book can not really go around doing a metion of each and everyone of you,and I don't want to explain how I forgot one or two of you.

My writing buddies.
The peeps that keep me going, that actually ask me why I am taking my sweet time with posts. the people that help me aspire to be what I keep thinkin' I can be. If I've written with you sometime you fall in this category.If you have a blog and I've seen it,you also fall here.

My drinking posse.
How do I break this down further. We've done drinks this year.We are yet to say we got wasted properly.I'd like to say we'll get there some day,but that attitude's for losers...We have to be specific with this stuff...

My workmates.
You'd think I'd be able to actually start identifying people one by one in this here category. Good times with had,wouldn't want to kill that with some random cynical remark.

My Campus Buddies
The people I talk to so that anyone seeing me at the University is under the impression that I posess some skill at interacting after all.For deceiving the masses that I have a spine and a heart, I applaud you and would recommend that you spread some of this deception in the visa office of...

My Campus Buddies II
I tend to miss out on lectures and you happen to have notes,how you do it is beyond me,but I will not look the gift horse in the mouth.I'll keep leechin'. Thanks you lot...Clarification,in as much as you seem to be turning up in many of the categories,this is the one you do not feature in Darlyne ;o)

My Campus Buddies III
Anyne that has said in passing (drive-by-mention) that a coursework is due...or is actually holding on to my coursework for me...conveniently leaving out the motive for this act of kindness (so you can gloat as you hand it over)

Le Familia
You've kept me grounded,kept me sane and in ways even I have failed to comprehend kept me in school.I ain't hating on y'all.I appreciate you.Big time.I am even willing to overlook the fact that you've refused to visit my blog,in which case this paragraph is sorta useless...(look look,I used the word "sorta")(Anyone that gets the underlying reference to the word "sorta" also happens to be a great pal and...and all that).
Thank you for being there for me for real!

Just about anyone I have had a conversation with,that I've had the pleasure of dissin' and gettin dissed back.You all make it worthwhile to live life the way I do..not quite in the way she does,but you all have lots going for you.

Merry Christmas All,

And to all A Happy New Year!

***This is not the last post of the year***

The ride home is pretty uneventful, save for that brief stop that Cedric makes to pick up a snack from a roadside vendor. I suppose you may wonder what would posses anyone to do something as retarded as that. This, as you can imagine is not something that can be explained with just the one answer. We will attempt to look at three.

1.Hunger that leads to a (see 2 below)
2.Complete disregard for all things sensible best summed up as (see 3 below)
3.STUPIDITY

Having made an assessment we will continue to see what the protagonist of this tale is up to and more importantly attempt to fit in more big words.

The meal, if we are permitted to exercise a certain degree of liberal naming, seems to have hit the spot, Cedric is in a good mood. The kind that has him hum to the music playing on the radio. It’s not a nice song, in fact, by any sensible person’s standards it can not be called a song.

Cedric gets home and is still in the greatest of spirits.

He goes inside the house and at that moment out of the shadows emerges a being with the most sinister of intentions. Then again, sinister is relative. After all, a person going and placing a link on someone else’s blog might have his motives called into question. This time round, a tyre is stolen.

Its as simple as that, no fancy moves. One minute the care has a tyre, the next it doesn’t. The culprit leaves without a sound, well, barely a sound. There’s a scream as he gets on the road, but that’s all there is to it.

Cedric meanwhile has taken a shower, a brief one. It’s merely for effect. Just to get rid of the smell of sweat that has built up.
You’ve sweated before, you can relate.

He wonders, ever so briefly what the scream was about and looks for a tee shirt. He picks one that’s got the “F” word scrawled across it. His girlfriend bought this for him so it’s only fitting that he should wear it today. After all, worse tee-shirts have been worn.

Donning his tee, Cedric walks over to his table and picks up his car keys. He knows he will have to refuel the car, what he doesn’t know is that he also has to fit a tyre on it first.
Until now…

Cursing under his breath (because that’s all you can do when you’re working on your car) he toils away, consoling himself all the while that when it’s fixed, he won’t have to share a seat in a taxi.

He has had numerous bad experiences with taxis…and hairy people, but that’s not important.
Cedric jumps into the car and drives out heading for a bookshop or some other place he can get a card from. He finds one and parks.

The aura inside the store has a tremendous effect on him, for all of a sudden, his mood is much better. He takes some delight at the glances his tee shirt is fetching. He picks up a large card and a gift and makes his way over to the “counter” to pay. The service is incredibly favorable and he is done in no time.

He steps out and finds that his car has been bedecked with accessories no driver wishes to own. His vehicle has been clumped.

He tries,as have many drivers before him to locate the person to resolve this little disturbance.He finds him trying to board a taxi.He is visibly pissed when Cedric tries to reason with him.He has a look that suggests that he has been delayed from making a call, a booty call.

That out of the way,Cedric drives off and tries to ignore the rumbling that's building up in his stomach.Its not quite the kind that signifies that your tummy has had it with digesting the enzymes the saliva was giving a ride,rather it seems to be suggesting that a visit to the loo might actually be a brilliant idea.
A message that does not quite make it to the brain.If it does,the brain chooses to pretend that its either not in or taking a shower.

Cedric drives over to his girlfriend's home and finds a car parked at the front of the gate. (And in case you were wondering,she didn't work today.Its her birthday so she called in sick)
Its a nice car, and it has all four tyres. The tyres are not the reason Cedric is looking at it like that.

He wants to believe its another man.A rival even. He knows better.Its his girlfriend's father and at that moment he emerges from the driver's seat. He gives Cedric an odd look.

Its a very bad time to be Cedric right now.He is going through a rough time trying to decipher what that look means. On the one hand it might be that his girlfriend's father doesn't like him very much...something he made peace with a while back.

Then,ofcourse,there's the T-shirt.

There's no time to fully assess the situation because the Woman in their lives comes out to meet them.
She leads them to the sitting room where they proceed to engage in light conversation.Its incredibly light seeing as Cedric decides to play the mute. The beads of sweat trickling down his forehead do not improve the situation.
Neither does the stomach rumbling.

"Honey,are you okay?"

He tries to nod that he is,but at that moment his speech is interupted by a message on its way to the brain.Turns out the stomach has had a disagreement with the food from the roadside vendor and now wants to evict it.Attempts to reach a compromise have yielded air.

Cedric excuses himself and makes his way to the bathroom. He can feel his "father-in-law's" stare burrowing through his back.

He sits down and ..well,let's just say he gets down to business.

He can hear his girlfriend arguing with her father over how she chose him over all the worthwhile suitors.He loves that about her.The way she always sticks up for him.
His hand reaches for the tissue...and misses.

Well,miss is such a strong word,he does make some contact with the hard paper thingy that usually holds the soft part of the roll...

Panic grips him. In his moment of desperation he finds clarity. His senses have seemingly hit superhuman levels. He can clearly hear the conversation going on outside the door. The topic has changed and now his girlfriend's father is speaking. Asking after her well being...and then he asks...

"Three days?When are they coming to fix your water...?"