Ivan Presents...
Friday, November 19, 2004
Anatomy Of A Strike
Its no secret,strikes are part of the curriculum on most university timetables.They are right there,next to impromptu (?) tests and sudden coursework collections. The problem though is the motive. In as much as we are well aware that they are some sort of birth-right,we can't quite fathom how best we can justify them...Ideally we wouldn't have to,but society suggests otherwise.We are expected to account for our actions...
With some thought,often over a couple of beers and pork,someone realises that they do not really have grounds for a strike, so he volunteers that information and the one girl they allowed to attend the meeting puts in her views,"why don't we strike over the fact that we do not have a good reason to strike?" So she gets bounced from the meet and she goes over to the common room to watch "WOMAN OF MY LIFE".
The remaining members form what is later known as The Band Of Brothers...or UYD in short and ponder harder than ever how to go about the whole strike issue...this happens for a number of days and they finally figure they will strike over the fact that the lecturers are not concerned with them,heck they don't ask after them when they skip class...
But then,fate intervenes,as she always does that!!The newspaper reports that the lecturers may have a strike of their own.Now,any student would be pleased with this, it actually means less class,more chillin'.But not this lot,they are radical and all that and they also want to add,under their belts,the title of pioneers.They thus decide to come up with a strike of their own.
And strike they do,citing bad food.
Which is really odd when you consider the fact that the quality of the food is usually depressing that it would take a tremendous amount of effort to worsen it. Okay that's a stereotypical remark, I don't mind the fish fillet,but a cause for striking is required,so we go with the food story and for good measure we complain about the sorry state of the toilets and stuff. Apparently they've gotten so dirty,its no longer healthy to stand on them as you go about doing your business.
Then there's a glitch,it leaks that the cause for our strike was actually another strike already in progress.THE WORKERS STRIKE. They want higher wages you see,so they decide to lay down the tools of their trade and protest against the harsh conditions.Surprisingly the harsh conditions do not include the awful work environment.
So another meeting is called and the girl is invited to come over and contribute a couple of ideas,but (oh the irony) she can't make it,she has to watch "Woman Of My Life" after which her rich guy that provides for her what no one else can(because life is good down town) is going to pick her up and they will go out to "full enjoy"...you know.
So they decide to invite more girls who have better sense than to go out with older guys. Some will ask for cash,but well,there's power in numbers...So finally we have our strike...and then the lecturers try to show the public that we couldn't come up with this thing on our own,so they decide to strike.
Sadly,they lack the solidarity the student community has..or the resilience,so it ends pretty soon and its business as usual...UNTIL NEXT YEAR.
THE YEAR AFTER
After a reasonable amount of calm, someone figures its about that time of the year again...But one can't be too sure,so he picks up a timetable and looks for that infamous section,sure enough, a strike is long over due,so he calls up his pals and the new crew,and is a bit miffed by the way girls claimed to be watching "Woman Of My Life" way before it hit the screens.
The usual debate ensues,then calamity strikes,there has been an accident.Everyone is depressed,the girl shakes her head sorrowfully and says something to the effect,"Kale,we have been telling them to "construct" humps!" sneers and jeers ensue then...WHAM!!It finally occurs to the people present that there,right infront of them is a brilliant cause for a demonstration.Yes,a demonstration.They have since learnt that calling it a strike is not valid unless its of Kenyan University proportions.
So a demonstration they have,peaceful at that,save perhaps for people stealing coffins and trying their best to stay out of them.The riot police are happy,now they can finally try out all this new stuff they have received from some donor that lacked any serious use for it. And because it works in the movies,some tear gas is carried.
The scene on campus is in the realm of chaotic. Though peaceful,people took it upon themselves to run around screaming stuff that made no sense at all. This gives what was once a casual demonstration an uncanny resemblance to/with (whatever) a full out STRIKE!!
Suffice to say, we have not quite developed any serious resistance to Tear Gas and our petition to parliament asking them to ban the use of such chemical warfare when we are at it with the police is not really being taken seriously. So we run off,thinking about a possible cause for this whole thing.
We figure that its all over and done with,people retire to their rooms and get round to joking about the whole thing,cracking up when we recall how we kept tripping all over ourselves...
On the other side of things,the police are a bit ticked...no wait,scratch that,they are beyond that,they are royally pissed that they didn't get anyone out of the whole scuffle. So they mount operation "GET SOME STUDENTS". This is a pretty straightforward thing,go to any room of your choice knock and grab as many students as you can. It helps if they look like the kid that bullied you back in high school.
Somewhere along the line,a girl wrapped in nothing but a towel is getting ready to watch "Woman Of My Life" when her door is broken down and a cop yells,
"madam,we have the place surrounded,now,please help us and get out!!"
To which she replies,with great chagrin,
"Shya,I was about to watch Barbarita Ruiz"and he thinks,
"Barba??!!**** I hate that show,my wife won't let me watch That show on EAST Africa TV because she wants to see barba-whatever"
and then out loud he says,
"Madam,you're coming with me"
She's not budging.Infact she simply wraps the towel tighter around herself.
"madam,nawe,its been a long day,i have to go home and iron before UEDCL cuts off power.If i have to drag you out wrapped in that towel that's making you look
like a nice looking chic that's devoid of any inhibitions,...I will."
She gets shocked and says,
"Okay lemme wear this outfit I bought off one of these ladies that comes here selling clothes from..."
"Madam I warned you!"
And like that,he grabs her utters a war cry and leaps over the wall....
There's a court case in progress,the few that weren't arrested,because they were out nursing hang overs are pissed that they missed the whole thing. So they threaten to strike if their brothers and sisters are not released!!
They do get released and its back to the drawing board. There's a need to come up with a reason for another strike before the lecturers beat us to it...and it would be easier to think if that infernal repeat of Woman Of My Life wasn't showing,someone should strike,you know,against the whole Spanish soap thing...
...ah,there's an idea.
With some thought,often over a couple of beers and pork,someone realises that they do not really have grounds for a strike, so he volunteers that information and the one girl they allowed to attend the meeting puts in her views,"why don't we strike over the fact that we do not have a good reason to strike?" So she gets bounced from the meet and she goes over to the common room to watch "WOMAN OF MY LIFE".
The remaining members form what is later known as The Band Of Brothers...or UYD in short and ponder harder than ever how to go about the whole strike issue...this happens for a number of days and they finally figure they will strike over the fact that the lecturers are not concerned with them,heck they don't ask after them when they skip class...
But then,fate intervenes,as she always does that!!The newspaper reports that the lecturers may have a strike of their own.Now,any student would be pleased with this, it actually means less class,more chillin'.But not this lot,they are radical and all that and they also want to add,under their belts,the title of pioneers.They thus decide to come up with a strike of their own.
And strike they do,citing bad food.
Which is really odd when you consider the fact that the quality of the food is usually depressing that it would take a tremendous amount of effort to worsen it. Okay that's a stereotypical remark, I don't mind the fish fillet,but a cause for striking is required,so we go with the food story and for good measure we complain about the sorry state of the toilets and stuff. Apparently they've gotten so dirty,its no longer healthy to stand on them as you go about doing your business.
Then there's a glitch,it leaks that the cause for our strike was actually another strike already in progress.THE WORKERS STRIKE. They want higher wages you see,so they decide to lay down the tools of their trade and protest against the harsh conditions.Surprisingly the harsh conditions do not include the awful work environment.
So another meeting is called and the girl is invited to come over and contribute a couple of ideas,but (oh the irony) she can't make it,she has to watch "Woman Of My Life" after which her rich guy that provides for her what no one else can(because life is good down town) is going to pick her up and they will go out to "full enjoy"...you know.
So they decide to invite more girls who have better sense than to go out with older guys. Some will ask for cash,but well,there's power in numbers...So finally we have our strike...and then the lecturers try to show the public that we couldn't come up with this thing on our own,so they decide to strike.
Sadly,they lack the solidarity the student community has..or the resilience,so it ends pretty soon and its business as usual...UNTIL NEXT YEAR.
THE YEAR AFTER
After a reasonable amount of calm, someone figures its about that time of the year again...But one can't be too sure,so he picks up a timetable and looks for that infamous section,sure enough, a strike is long over due,so he calls up his pals and the new crew,and is a bit miffed by the way girls claimed to be watching "Woman Of My Life" way before it hit the screens.
The usual debate ensues,then calamity strikes,there has been an accident.Everyone is depressed,the girl shakes her head sorrowfully and says something to the effect,"Kale,we have been telling them to "construct" humps!" sneers and jeers ensue then...WHAM!!It finally occurs to the people present that there,right infront of them is a brilliant cause for a demonstration.Yes,a demonstration.They have since learnt that calling it a strike is not valid unless its of Kenyan University proportions.
So a demonstration they have,peaceful at that,save perhaps for people stealing coffins and trying their best to stay out of them.The riot police are happy,now they can finally try out all this new stuff they have received from some donor that lacked any serious use for it. And because it works in the movies,some tear gas is carried.
The scene on campus is in the realm of chaotic. Though peaceful,people took it upon themselves to run around screaming stuff that made no sense at all. This gives what was once a casual demonstration an uncanny resemblance to/with (whatever) a full out STRIKE!!
Suffice to say, we have not quite developed any serious resistance to Tear Gas and our petition to parliament asking them to ban the use of such chemical warfare when we are at it with the police is not really being taken seriously. So we run off,thinking about a possible cause for this whole thing.
We figure that its all over and done with,people retire to their rooms and get round to joking about the whole thing,cracking up when we recall how we kept tripping all over ourselves...
On the other side of things,the police are a bit ticked...no wait,scratch that,they are beyond that,they are royally pissed that they didn't get anyone out of the whole scuffle. So they mount operation "GET SOME STUDENTS". This is a pretty straightforward thing,go to any room of your choice knock and grab as many students as you can. It helps if they look like the kid that bullied you back in high school.
Somewhere along the line,a girl wrapped in nothing but a towel is getting ready to watch "Woman Of My Life" when her door is broken down and a cop yells,
"madam,we have the place surrounded,now,please help us and get out!!"
To which she replies,with great chagrin,
"Shya,I was about to watch Barbarita Ruiz"and he thinks,
"Barba??!!**** I hate that show,my wife won't let me watch That show on EAST Africa TV because she wants to see barba-whatever"
and then out loud he says,
"Madam,you're coming with me"
She's not budging.Infact she simply wraps the towel tighter around herself.
"madam,nawe,its been a long day,i have to go home and iron before UEDCL cuts off power.If i have to drag you out wrapped in that towel that's making you look
like a nice looking chic that's devoid of any inhibitions,...I will."
She gets shocked and says,
"Okay lemme wear this outfit I bought off one of these ladies that comes here selling clothes from..."
"Madam I warned you!"
And like that,he grabs her utters a war cry and leaps over the wall....
There's a court case in progress,the few that weren't arrested,because they were out nursing hang overs are pissed that they missed the whole thing. So they threaten to strike if their brothers and sisters are not released!!
They do get released and its back to the drawing board. There's a need to come up with a reason for another strike before the lecturers beat us to it...and it would be easier to think if that infernal repeat of Woman Of My Life wasn't showing,someone should strike,you know,against the whole Spanish soap thing...
...ah,there's an idea.
Friday, November 12, 2004
A couple of days later
Right,so I did my post thing.I even went out of my way to dish out props. (does anybody use that word anymore?who?where do they live?)And does anyone respond?Nope,y'all just choose to keep quiet on me...oh man,I dunno.guess I'ma stop here,way too disoriented....
Sunday, November 07, 2004
A Beautiful Mind Is A Terrible Thing To Waste
I realise the title up there has given grounds for a major diss-fest,but hey what the heck?Oh wait...do I get to use words like heck?will the brilliant chaps that thought this whole new novel concept guaranteed to generate money from the ads...money we won't see mind you...will those guys let me say heck?they did put me through heck to get here.can't I freely wax it moronic and get away with it?Nope,don\t think so,chances are a trend has been started...everyone will want a piece blogal domination or some asinine thing.Don't get me wrong,I love this thing (here I go with more sucking up so my account doesn't get deleted by the powers that be) its brilliant,now when i hit massive writer's block (and i do that sometimes)I will have some place to vent my itsy bitsy tantrums...ah the beauty that is the wide world web....
I'm thinking (there's something new for y'all,Good Lord,Ivan thinks!!!there's one for the record books) this is the bit where I make like I owe my life to all and sundry,say thanks for being there....Dull and dreary as it is, I suppose a thank you of some sort would be in order...Seriously now,without y'all I wouldn't have any one that would stand me,put up with the annoying requests(Raymond,Kaza...Darlyne,wait a sec.Darlyne???) take me totally unseriously (just about all of you,which you don't realise will hasten my mid-life crisis...and rubbish any chances of a date actually). The fact is there are lots of you to thank.I've accumulated more friends over the years than J-Lo has developed any talent (sarcasm may be wasted on a few here) and if I haven't mentioned you by name its because I dread the repurcussions...who knows who I'm going to refer here....
There,I've just robbed you of valuable surf time and quite possibly 3-5 minutes of your life that you will neverrecover telling you all the obvious,You are appreciated...not as much as I appreciate God's goodness and love and all he has done for me,but you rank highly,each and everyone of you...hehe,what are the odds of me actually repeating those words in person??Higher chance having the pope turn moslem....Oh crap,certainly hope those Oh-So-Awesome guys running this site are not catholic...or Moslem....or worse...REPUBLICANS!
I'm thinking (there's something new for y'all,Good Lord,Ivan thinks!!!there's one for the record books) this is the bit where I make like I owe my life to all and sundry,say thanks for being there....Dull and dreary as it is, I suppose a thank you of some sort would be in order...Seriously now,without y'all I wouldn't have any one that would stand me,put up with the annoying requests(Raymond,Kaza...Darlyne,wait a sec.Darlyne???) take me totally unseriously (just about all of you,which you don't realise will hasten my mid-life crisis...and rubbish any chances of a date actually). The fact is there are lots of you to thank.I've accumulated more friends over the years than J-Lo has developed any talent (sarcasm may be wasted on a few here) and if I haven't mentioned you by name its because I dread the repurcussions...who knows who I'm going to refer here....
There,I've just robbed you of valuable surf time and quite possibly 3-5 minutes of your life that you will neverrecover telling you all the obvious,You are appreciated...not as much as I appreciate God's goodness and love and all he has done for me,but you rank highly,each and everyone of you...hehe,what are the odds of me actually repeating those words in person??Higher chance having the pope turn moslem....Oh crap,certainly hope those Oh-So-Awesome guys running this site are not catholic...or Moslem....or worse...REPUBLICANS!
