Ivan Presents...
Tuesday, June 06, 2006
Watched Anything Good lately?
I haven’t been yet, but I gather the new X-Men flick is best described as being “there-there”…So I figure, I’ll just do my own thing, It goes like this…
The movie opens with a young Magneto running away from some suits. “Why are you running after me? What do you want?” He asks. panting…the agents stop running and we notice they have some really ancient looking headsets and then they speak…in turns, with each completing the others sentence…
-He is just…
-A mutant...
-That’s…All.
The agents realize what they have done and then look at each other, long and hard as only agents can and then they morph into Heath Ledger and Jake Gyllenhal and go to the mountains…but Jake falls down and breaks his back and Heath comes tumbling after.
Meanwhile Magneto has stopped running and is trying to come to grips with the fact that he is a mutant. Lost in his thoughts he does not hear an all-too audible announcement that a curfew is in effect. And then his “abilities” are made manifest. He unleashes a powerful blast of magnetismness that is like so bloody powerful it messes up the controls of a plane flying overhead ( to make this really authentic we will give it the name Oceania) and it is like, you know, knocked out of the sky. No one knows where it lands, but we can safely surmise its Lost.
Different guys are called in to investigate and the government settles for some guy who says he knows someone that will do it in 24 hours. After putting him to test and questioning his ability to deliver results, he mutters simply, “You don’t know Jack!”
On the street that Magneto is doing his thing some guys corner another Mutant with like…wings and stuff. He says he does not want the cure, “I’m Sorry!” The guys whip out their erm…syringes (Its kinda hard to avoid innuendo after using the words “Whip out”) and then they say, “Not yet you’re not, but you soon will be…” then WHAM! There’s a flash of light and then we see Light bulb boy. He knocks them around a bit until one of the guys whips out his really cool Sony Ericsson W810i (with free minutes) and calls the power company,but not before saying,”I’ve had enough of this”
The guy over at the power company hits the switch and then LightBulb Boy dies a cruel death.
But it is not in vain. The winged mutant got away…
To Be Continued…
The movie opens with a young Magneto running away from some suits. “Why are you running after me? What do you want?” He asks. panting…the agents stop running and we notice they have some really ancient looking headsets and then they speak…in turns, with each completing the others sentence…
-He is just…
-A mutant...
-That’s…All.
The agents realize what they have done and then look at each other, long and hard as only agents can and then they morph into Heath Ledger and Jake Gyllenhal and go to the mountains…but Jake falls down and breaks his back and Heath comes tumbling after.
Meanwhile Magneto has stopped running and is trying to come to grips with the fact that he is a mutant. Lost in his thoughts he does not hear an all-too audible announcement that a curfew is in effect. And then his “abilities” are made manifest. He unleashes a powerful blast of magnetismness that is like so bloody powerful it messes up the controls of a plane flying overhead ( to make this really authentic we will give it the name Oceania) and it is like, you know, knocked out of the sky. No one knows where it lands, but we can safely surmise its Lost.
Different guys are called in to investigate and the government settles for some guy who says he knows someone that will do it in 24 hours. After putting him to test and questioning his ability to deliver results, he mutters simply, “You don’t know Jack!”
On the street that Magneto is doing his thing some guys corner another Mutant with like…wings and stuff. He says he does not want the cure, “I’m Sorry!” The guys whip out their erm…syringes (Its kinda hard to avoid innuendo after using the words “Whip out”) and then they say, “Not yet you’re not, but you soon will be…” then WHAM! There’s a flash of light and then we see Light bulb boy. He knocks them around a bit until one of the guys whips out his really cool Sony Ericsson W810i (with free minutes) and calls the power company,but not before saying,”I’ve had enough of this”
The guy over at the power company hits the switch and then LightBulb Boy dies a cruel death.
But it is not in vain. The winged mutant got away…
To Be Continued…
2 Comments:
insane, insane.
where i storm in all this. Plotting a Katrina somewhere I presume.
just read your spoilers link. i hate spoilers, they really spoil it for you! but considering i'd watched the movie already it's fine but still, why they have to go and spoil it? yeah, where's storm? she's about as cool as wolverine, but of course he's gorgeous.
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