Ivan Presents...

Yeah,I know the title is something of a big deal.I mean,you look at it and you think,"That's a video game title,isn't it?" or better still,"That's the name of that Christian Slater flick that was incredibly boring and for some reason very few people saw through the facade and went to the cinema in droves and even when they got out they did not warn their pals..."
Its probably both,but it also happens to be where I am right now.
For the past couple of,what,days?weeks?Well for sometime now I have been under the impression that people I interact with at various levels know something I don't.
Seriously,it has probably been happening for a while but I chose not to notice it,'coz that's me.I'm a "choose not to notice it" kind of guy.
So I went for a Kwanjula a while back and suffered some massive food poisoning.You know what that entails so let me spare you the gory details.What I did not know is that I had a headache.
The doctor on the other hand knew this.How this stuff works I have no idea,but she did.Yes,she,we are getting somewhere,more female doctors in the field.So anyway,she asks me what I've got,this while I'm squirming in my seat,grabbing my stomach like someone said he will take it away if i don't hold onto it...

So rather than being cocky,I tell her that "I have the stomach ache from hell and other things..."So she looks at me the way most doctors look at their patients when they are making an assesment..."How long have you had the headache?"

Hang on...Headache?
"No,that was stomach ache,you know,like this thing that I'm holding for dear life...I suspect it might have sumthin' to do with the Kwanjula I attended last night..."
She gives me that look again...
"So you have a stomach ache...and a headache?"
I'm a bit confused by now.When did I get the headache?Why do I have a headache...and what is this headache she is bent on giving me?
"No,I have a stomach ache!I have not had any involvement of any kind with any headaches,lately anyway."
There was some progress at this point because she whipped out her pen and crossed out the headache.I guess I should point out that at this point I was beginnning to doubt this lady's credentials.It didn't help that for a doctor,her handwriting was awfully neat.
"So,have you had anything to eat?It might be food poisoning...did you eat anything last night?"
She had to be kidding me.Who had I been telling about my experience with the whole Kwanjula thing?Okay,I'll play along..
"Well I was at a Kwanjula so the question is,what didn't I eat.."
I half expected her to answer this with,"I don't know,what didn't you eat?"She didn't.
"Yeah,well I suspect you ate something that is now manifesting itself in a nasty case of food poisoning so bad you are forced to hold onto your stomach like someone said that if you didn't they'd come and take it away from you.That and,ofcourse,a headache."
*The phone rings as I'm trying to protest,she answers it and midway through the conversation she realises that she is not alone in the room anymore...Never was actually,so she says bye and gets back to me.*
So have you taken any medicine?Painkillers or something.
To which I reply that I have taken a couple,plus some antibiotics.
She is non-plussed and writes me a prescription comprising Painkillers and...yep,Antibiotics,because,"These ones are more in tune with what you've got.."
I didn't argue.Life's many lessons can be summed up perfectly thus;Never argue with your doctor!
So after writing it out she looks me in the face and asks if there's anything else that's bugging me.Its been an awfully long and stressful session so I tell her.
"Nothing really,but I do feel a headache coming up..."

Then the past couple of days I keep receiving double takes from the guy that I buy my breakfast from every morning. He always asks me if I am really buying what I told him.Always,"You want a HOTDOG?!" or "You want a MEATPIE?!"
I'm sure if I gave him the chance he'd go like..."Are you serious?You have got to be kidding me.Why woul you want that stuff?Dude!!!"

-and That's a wrap-